QUESTION: I met a guy online and after few hours of chatting he convinced me that he's madly in love with me and he's someone I was looking for in my life ( yeah, he's a charmer). So we got into a "relationship" ( you know the online thing, nothing in real). After a year of coaxing, begging and pleading (from my side, he was more than happy to have a "virtual" girlfriend) we met. He was tall,fair with a low IQ ( I thought that, but he's got a brain of a devil) guy and I am also not bad when it comes to appearance, so, we looked good together. At first everything was hunky and dory as I always compromised as I tried to be the "perfect girlfriend" (at least for me it was a "real thing", god I am feeling so stupid as I am writing this) for never having him around, we never went on date or for movies or never met just to hold hands, to spend time together. After 2 years or so, he wanted to get intimate and he always had time for that but he never had time for me if I was in some trouble or when some pervert was stalking me or when I am feeling low. I never felt so lonely in my life ( there were innumerable red flags in my relationship that I just chose to ignore,..relationship, I still refer to it as a relationship). I wanted to meet his friends and family, that never happened. I tried to introduce him to my family and friends ( do I need to tell you whether he agreed or not?). We went around for almost 5 years( yes, 5 years!!!) I had never loved anyone in my life so madly and he was the only guy I trusted blindly. One day I found out (accidently) that he had lied about his identity..He has given me a fake name,a fake residential address. I was too stunned to ask.. why???? ( as if he'd given an honest answer) I walked out of the relationship there and then. After that I have shut myself down emotionally. It's been 4 years since I broke up,many great, nice,caring,warm guys came to my life but all I can think is- Deep down all you guys are the same, cut out from the same fabric. I know I need love, I deserved to be loved. But I am still in shock and no matter what I am not being able to be emotionally available.
Dear Navya,
Can't thank you enough for writing me but I will still thank you anyway. I hope my advice will help and I hope I can redeem the huge favor you have done by sharing your story with me.The guy you fell in love with, that handsome love witted guy was probably never in love with you. It hurts right? Been there too but I also know that it still pains less than begging someone to love you and get if you the same importance that you give to them, or if not the same at least, a little. But you know that's where we human go wrong, there are times when we realize that the thing in our that we called love for all this time, was something else. So, we shut ourselves down and force our mind to think it was but trust me it wasn't and the fact that it wasn't is the best thing for you. You don't even know how much you deserve because its too much, you'll be surprised when you'll get it all.
The feeling that they've all been cut out from the same fabric is something I can relate with you on and its kind of something a lot of girls can relate to too.
But you know what? I'll tell you a little secret, no man, no girl, no woman, no boy basically, no one is purely good or purely bad. Every person who appears to be bad has something good hidden side and vice versa, what makes them good is love. That love can be in any form but at the end of the day its love. If I'll tell you that there was a guy, mean to everyone but there was one he never treated bad, the one he cared for. I am sure you can cut out the image of someone in your mind, that person who changes him is the person he likes and wants to change for. I know the story and explanation seems to never end so long story short, We all have one person for us someone who looks the exact same like everybody else, someone who behaves pretty much the same but is made for you. All you need to do, is find that person in the crowd of the guys who look just like him. Difficult much? Too much, I know but love isn't easy to get. And most importantly, there's one more secret Don't struggle, when you are ready for him and when he is ready for you, the deities will bring you two together. And then, no matter what happens, you will fall for him. Just trust me on this.
There is a thing that we don't understand while longing for the things that we want is that it never comes to you till you cant understand the meaning for it. If you won't fall how will you learn to rise? So don't you think its better to fall then to never do it and never be able to learn that there's a thing like falling? What I mean is, If you won't long for love if you won't learn what the pain of not being treated nicely is, how will you be able to protect the one really made for you from all that pain? You get it right? I know you did. And if you didn't, I am just a comment away you know.
Acha, and the last piece of advice I will give you is, make yourself ready. The faster you'll turn into your best self, the fatser he will find you. All you need to do, is find the one who brings out the best in you and you brings the best out.
All the best to you. Fighting!!!
Love,
Aazaad
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