Chapter-4 | My Dearest Aazaad.

My first month in Gurgaon passed with me avoiding Aazaad more than focusing on my work or living as a matter of fact. Living under the same roof in the same house with a girl was something I thought I’ll only do once I’ll get married. But there I was, living with a girl who seemed to do nothing but stay inside the house and watch TV. A girl who’ll walk up to me saying ‘Oh! You are here,’ every day I came back home from work like I wasn’t just her housemate but her husband. I just couldn’t understand her, she was all sort of weird. How could she be so friendly with a guy she had never met or hadn't even talked properly ever since the first day? And to be honest, we didn’t even talk enough on that day either since I slept in the first ten minutes of the conversation.

The only reason I was staying with her was that I couldn’t trouble my parents anymore neither could I afford to leave the advance I paid for that apartment.

But yes, on the other hand, she wasn’t all that bad nor was her “too extra” hospitality. She never asked me to work and she always prepared the dinner and breakfast for me. She was pretty much the best roommate one could get. Also, thanks to her I became so busy in planning and learning excuses to not to have to eat with her, I became too busy to think about Radhika even in my free time. But it was still so awkward for me. Why was she doing all that?

I often drifted to my bed with the thought- Is she the type of girl people call “easy”? Or maybe she… likes me or… she is that friends-with-benefits kind of person. Whichever kind she was, I was stiff on my decision- maintain a proper distance from her. She was in every way, the type of girl my parents told me to stay away from and specifically addressed that I will find everywhere in big cities. She was the cunning type, the type that looks so sweet but they have inner motives. They are all attractive and sweet outside but very dangerous inside. The ones who confuse you to think something and do something else. I was a little afraid of her, I won’t lie. I was suddenly left to live on my own in my own way, I was left to make decisions for myself after literally listening and following my parents’ plan for all the past twenty-six years that I lived. I had all the reasons to be afraid, not just from her but from every single thing.

Every single morning of mine in that house would start with loud music and her voice. She completely got me convinced that she had a very good learning power because she literally remembered every single wording of all the songs she had in her playlist.

Her early morning sing-alongs were like punishment for not being rich enough to be able to afford another apartment. She became that annoying alarm whose voice is so painful and so irritating that you want to grab it and throw it in a corner of the room so it will never work again. Sadly, she was a human and so I couldn’t do such a thing to her. I did many times thought of asking her to stop the nonsense or lower the volume but then I always stopped myself because doing it would only result in having a conversation with her. I always maintained a particular distance so I never had to actually engage in a conversation, I never even insisted on watching TV or anything in fact, because the farther I was from her the safer I felt inside my home, our home. My routine was basically- wake up, eat the breakfast she has prepared, go office and do whatever I want then repeat the whole morning routine, go back home, have dinner she has prepared, rush to my room and then finally, sleep in my bed. For the whole two weeks, this was all I did.

About work, it wasn’t something I had to put too much efforts in. I was alright like I said earlier, an average kid + average life + above average marks= my whole life. I wasn’t someone who was too bad at his work so nobody hated me neither was I too good that someone will envy me. I was just there with all the other people who were there too.

‘Oh, babe! Do come back soon. I’ll be waiting for you with dinner and then we can…’

‘Stop it, seriously. How can you do the same joke every single day, Nakul?’

‘It’s my specialty. How’s Wifey? What song did she wake you up with today?’

‘I don’t even know. I am just on turn off mode at home. My senses work only in the night when she is sleeping in her room. Other than that, I am always on the turn off mode.’

‘Then turn on, dude. She can’t be that bad that you aren’t even a little interested in her even when she is giving you all the advantage in the world. Are you gay or something? Wait, are you…’

‘Dude!’

‘Impotent?’

‘Even if I am then doesn’t it mean it’s an advantage? No problem with the whole pregnancy thing? There is at least some benefit to that as well.’

‘That’s exactly what I wanted to say.’

‘Just what is wrong with you though? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you, Nakul? How did I even end up being friends with someone like you?’

‘What do you mean how we ended up being friends? I am so charming that you wanted to be one. After all, I am absolute perfection.’

‘Yes, yes.’

Let me introduce my two best friends, since, after me and Aazaad they hold the most importance in this story of my life.

Nakul Bhardwaj- The him, in this story of him, her and I. The rich stud. If there is one thing that I’ve learned about people after coming to Gurgaon was that there really are thousands of types of people in the world. The good ones, the bad ones, the friendly ones, the introvert ones like myself and lastly the weird ones- the category that was highly attracted to me. These people took me under their clutches like I was their prey. They hunted me down with friendliness, comfort and in Aazaad’s case, by advance rent.

Nakul is rich, was a total stud and a Casanova. All in whole a complete bad boy type, even if he claims to not be one. I mean, all the girls he ever dated, barely lasted the time period of four days and even that itself has happened only twice. He was pretty much the kind of a guy almost every small towner think big city guys are like- tall, good-looking, cunning and a womanizer. But that’s how he was to women, to us, his bros he still was a… a womanizer. At the beginning of my new life when my introvert self, made me a complete loner he was the only person who decided to make his crazy-self enter into my house of solitary. Of course, that doesn’t change the fact that he was a Casanova and play with people but to me and Arun both, he was our best friend and we knew it well that he could probably do anything for us.

Arun, on the other hand, was someone I felt was a lot similar to how I was. He was tall too, he had the same height Nakul had but unlike Nakul he never made fun of me for being short- I mean I was 5’8 when they were 5’10, it wasn’t even that big of a difference. But other than that one factor, Arun was pretty much like me, average. He was somewhat in the middle when it came to looks. I had a stomach, Arun had a little belly and Nakul, well… had abs. I was a bit tanned, Arun was whitish and Nakul, obviously, had a fair complexion. But there was one thing where Arun lacked, where my and Nakul’s brain were like a sponges that could absorb everything in it, Arun’s brain was more like those Parle-G biscuits which if you dip in the tea for more than 5 seconds, will eventually won’t be able to take all that moisture and decide to dive in your tea by itself. Knowledge and perfection in work, were more of my thing in our group.

‘Hey! I have to be somewhere today. So I won’t be home when you’ll be back. Just wanted to let you know. I’ll be late.’

‘What?’

‘Someone named ANNOYING CLOCK has messaged you.’

‘Wait, why are you reading my messages? Give me my phone, Nakul.’

‘Wait. Is it… it's Wifey, right? Arun, dude come here Wifey has messaged Ayush. Look! Look!’

When you have a bunch of lunatic friends and they know you have a lunatic roommate, they keep planning to do something that can turn you into a lunatic too. But this time it wasn’t just planning, it was a real thing, they had my phone and they read her message. The grin on both of their faces and the devilish look in their eyes was terrifying me. I hardly ever managed to look her in the eyes after the whole incident that happened on the very first day, I couldn’t afford to get in trouble again.

‘Give me my phone, both of you.’

‘Arun, run!’

‘Nakul, please. You know what happened last time. Please, please don’t do this.’

‘Catch me if you can.’

Chasing both of them I realized that I was wrong in ranking the list of all the crazy people in my life. Aazaad lost her first position to both of them. We were officially announced as the three idiots of our team, perhaps, the whole office that day. All three of us were piled over each other on the ground with Arun tightly holding the phone under both Nakul and me. While Nakul was guarding him against my punches.

‘Hello? Is anyone there? Ayush, are you alright? Can you hear me?’ The voice came from the phone. The whole room was in silence. ‘Hah! It was a girl, I knew!’ I looked back seeing my Team Leader boasting in front of others.

I was so embarrassed that I could feel myself burning. I couldn’t figure out what was more embarrassing- Aazaad attending the call or everyone in my office laughing at me. To be honest, it was the second option.

‘Ayush? Is everything okay?’ The voice asked again.

‘Idiot! The speaker is on.’ Nakul whispered to Arun but at that point, there really wasn’t a use of turning it off. My respect was already sunk deep in the ocean. But I thought that too early because they could still see the scope.

‘Wifey! Ayush’s wife Aazaad called.’ Arun announced.

The place suddenly turned into a beehive that’s been disturbed by a pebble, everybody was laughing and talking about me.

‘Sorry?’

‘Ayush why aren’t you talking to her? Dude didn’t you call her saying you will confess your love for her? Then what is wrong with you now?’

Abruptly, the whole chase ended and Nakul along with Arun were standing on their feet. Nakul threw the phone at me and I had no idea what to do so I immediately cut the call and put the phone in my pocket.

‘What is wrong with you two?’ I asked in anger but all they gave me was an unapologetic giggle.

‘Were you going to propose your girlfriend, Ayush?’ My remaining confidence sank with my previously sunk respect the moment I heard the voice.

‘No. No. No, Kaira. They just called someone from my phone and did this all. Seriously. It was nothing. Just a joke.’

‘But, she seemed like she was concerned about you. She cares about you.’

‘What? No! She is just my stupid housemate who I am stuck with. She is just… just weird. It’s nothing like you are thinking.’

‘You are stuck with her?’

‘It’s a long story. But there really is nothing going on between us.’

The only girl I liked in the whole office was looking at me with doubt in her eyes. I couldn’t just let her believe the whole nonsense, yes, I shouldn’t have had said something bad about Aazaad but it wasn’t a lie. It was all the truth. I convinced myself that it was alright but I still was a little ashamed by whatever that happened with Aazaad too.

‘At the end of the day, I have to be around her. I should say sorry to her at least.’ I told myself and took my phone out of my pocket. The moment I looked at my phone, I was left petrified.

‘Call disconnected’, it said.

Of all that was remaining of that day, the only thing I did was to look at the screen of my phone and curse myself. All this time while I was explaining that she was a crazy person to everyone, she was listening to everything. How can I just go and show her my face and act as nothing happened? How shameless will she think I am if I will just go home and stand in front of her? What will I do?

‘Ugh! What do I do now?’ I cried out loud.

‘What is it?’ Arun asked from his cube beside mine.

‘She listened to everything I said, you fool!’

‘Haven’t you explained everything to her already? She seemed quite convinced. What’s the problem now?’

‘Not Kaira, you stupid. Aazaad listened to everything.’

‘Everybody knows that. We heard her too. Chillax, it was nothing.’

‘What? Everybody heard that I called her my crazy roommate?’

‘What?’ Nakul peeked from behind Arun’s cube.

‘What, what? It was your fault. In fact, both of you are at a fault.’

‘She heard everything you said to Kaira?’ Arun asked. It was difficult to explain his expressions, was it concern or was it amusement? Because he looked like he was going to burst into laughter at any moment.

‘No ways! You are dead. Man, Wifey is going to kill you.’ Nakul snickered, stepping beside Arun’s chair.

‘Come here, you. It was all your fault.’

I stood up in anger but he surrendered right before I could even touch him.

‘You know what? Have dinner with us and then go home. Once you enter the place, just go to your room straight and pretend like you are asleep. Don’t wake up even if she calls for you. Just don’t.’

‘What if she’ll catch me before I’ll enter the room?’

‘Didn’t she text you that she’ll be late?’ Arun pointed towards the phone.

I immediately opened the messages and read her message out loud.

‘Hallelujah! You are safe. You owe us a drink for our precious help.’ Nakul said proudly.

‘You’re an ass. Get lost!’

***

Though I was aware she wasn’t home, I was still being extra careful. My conscience was continuously trying to wake up the feelings of fear which I was trying to compress by an awkward smile. As soon as I opened the door, I peeked into the living room, it was empty. I finally sighed with relief.

‘I’ll never do something like this again. Or at least make sure I’ll check my phone next time I say something like that. How was the call not cut? I remember… Ah! I must’ve turned the speaker off instead of ending the call. I am so stupid.’ I settled on the sofa, stretching my arms and legs. Even though I already had my dinner with Nakul and Arun, I was still hungry. Living with Aazaad I never really realized that I became all the more habitual of home-cooked food than before. I was happy thinking I’ll no longer be needing to eat the boring home food and can eat anything I wanted to when I was leaving home but then Aazaad cooked for me every day that I didn’t realize I was still eating home-cooked meals.

‘What will I do if she’ll leave the house after today’s incident? I’ll starve to death.’

‘Here,’ I was frozen, I couldn’t even look back. Did she hear everything? She came and sat beside me with two china plates in her hands. ‘Here is your food. Sorry but I overheard that you were hungry.’

Red and embarrassed. I took the plate from her hand and put it on the table in front of us.

‘Aazaad, I am sorry about today. I can explain.’

‘Go on. Explain.’ She smirked.

I was surprised by the expressions but I decided to get the burden down from my shoulders before she could misunderstand the situation.

‘Actually, my friends read your message and there was a misunderstanding. They were teasing me and then he called and said all that. And…’ Somehow the words weren’t coming out of my mouth. I was already feeling too shameless to confess everything for my sake instead of hers and on top of that all, she was just smiling and listening to everything I did, so calmly.

‘And? Everybody heard it all and thought I am your girlfriend. And then, the girl you really would like to have as your girlfriend asked you about me. So you told her I am your crazy roommate, right? To save yourself. But you didn’t mean it. Is that what you are trying to say?’

For twenty whole seconds, I was only looking at her face in amazement, she was always so weird. Why isn’t she angry? The thought bobbled inside my head several times in those twenty seconds.

‘Yes, but… aren’t you-you angry?’ She immediately put her eyes back on the TV.

‘Nope!’

‘Why do you keep forgiving me for everything? And just why are you like this? All nice and… weird?’

I wasn’t even aware that I said my thoughts out loud till the time she started answering them.

‘Didn’t you tell me that you’ll look at me as a sister? Doesn’t brothers usually do such things?’ She said it so coolly looking straight into my eyes that for a split second I felt bad that she only thought of me as a brother and nothing else. Then I remembered, it was me who said it to her. I was relieved but a little hurt which back then, I couldn’t exactly place why.

‘Ah yes! I said it. Oh shit! I thought you- how foolish of me seriously. I thought you like me.’ I said laughing.

‘Maybe.’ She smiled and walked up to the kitchen without saying anything.

My mouth was open, I was dumbstruck and unable to assemble anything that I was seeing, hearing or had already known. Everything about that woman was a mystery to me, a mystery I wasn’t interested in solving but had to. Perhaps Sherlock Holmes himself couldn’t figure out that woman. My eyes followed her every movement, I was caught by surprise. ‘What did she just said? What did you just say?’ I mumbled a little too loudly.

She came back from the kitchen laughing, ‘Were you happy about what I said? Why? Have you started liking me? What your friends were saying was true then?’

‘What? No. I do whatever I say. I never go back on my words. It’s like this compulsory thing, if I’ve said something, I’ll do it. No matter what. I said I’ll look at you as a sister that means I will.’

‘Maybe I am a little hurt. Well then shouldn’t you clean the dishes? It’s kind of like your punishment for today and all the other ones. You said you’ll do the cleaning the very first day you came but never did it.’

I didn’t really remember anything regarding cleaning dishes but since I was at a fault, I didn’t argue and went straight to the kitchen.

‘Do you need anything?’

‘Nope. Oh right! Didn’t you say you were going to get late? How come you were already home before I came? Where did you go?’

‘I had a little work. It finished early so I came back.’

‘Aazaad.’

‘Hm?’

‘You don’t go out much. Why?’ It was a question that was bothering me from the very beginning. She was nice and sweet but I couldn’t ignore the fact that I actually didn’t know anything about her. What she did, where she was from, even her last name, I knew nothing.

‘Don’t people need friends to go out? I don’t have any. Since I am a freelance writer, my profession doesn’t push me to go out much either so I don't even get to meet many people so… you know.’

I felt bad for her. Maybe this was why she was so friendly and caring toward me. Who I thought was a cunning witch, was actually a lonely child. The burden came back on my shoulders, ‘I didn’t even have either dinner or breakfast with her for once, even when she asked me so many times. Why am I such a bad person?’

‘Hey, want to go out with me and my friends tomorrow? There’s a club my friend Nakul was telling me about. I don’t remember the name but we’ll pick you up tomorrow. What say? I don’t have many friends either but those two are really nice. And I’ll be there so you can trust me. Though, I’d still suggest you to not to drink too much for your own safety and comfort.’

‘I don’t drink at all. Don’t worry.’ With that, she didn’t say anything else, she just happily walked to her room and chimed a ‘good night, Ayush’ before she closed the door of her room. Seeing her so happy, I was actually really proud of myself.

This was one of the first wrong decision that I made from many others that I was about to make. I didn’t know it then but now I know, if I wouldn’t have asked her to join us that day, my life wouldn’t have been this twisted. It was the first of the many big mistakes that I was going to commit in the future. If only, I wouldn’t have done what I did that day, I might have been saved but then… I did it. I messed things up.

***

It was 5 in the morning when my phone rang and as usual, I rejected it without even looking at the screen. Ever since Radhika, I always resisted picking up any of the phone calls in the morning.

Days after our marriage broke she used to call me up even before the sun rose, ‘I am sorry,’ she always said. ‘Sorry, I woke you up so soon. I couldn’t sleep so I thought I should call someone since Tarun was asleep, nobody else came to my mind but you so I don’t know how and why I just dialed your number. Can we talk?’ ‘No, we can’t,’ was what I wanted to say but ‘sure,’ was what I ended up saying every time. I asked myself so many times, isn’t she being too greedy? Pretending like nothing happened when so much has. But I still picked up her calls every time.

She called me up several times, every single day I woke up by her voice just like how I used to before our marriage correction, ‘almost-marriage’ happened but there was always this one major difference, earlier it made me happy but after our marriage, it only left me feeling somewhat aching. It always felt like something was broken inside me, what? My heart, perhaps.